How to Engage Reluctant Stakeholders During Business Transformation
The “Magic Paradox” and Resolving Mirror Neuron Gaps
Business transformation initiatives are inevitable in the modern workplace, and convincing skeptical stakeholders and other employees to embrace a new project–that may take a lot of their time and resources–can be a formidable challenge. After all, when was the last time all of your work peers were immediately and enthusiastically on board to tackle the moving pieces of an HRIS migration, the adoption of a new CRM platform, or the transition process to a new employee benefits broker? “Never,” you say? I’m not surprised.
Nevertheless, a critical piece of successful change management involves the engagement and support of a variety of stakeholders…most of which likely have differing reasons for their skepticism about making a change.
Many well-intentioned project leaders will try to smooth things over with resistant stakeholders, and indicate that “we’re all in this together,” and that the person is capable of doing the thing…and that “it will be fine. There’s a light at the end of the tunnel, and we’ll be there to support you!”
However, this optimistic, out-of-the-gate approach isn’t the most powerful tool in the change manager’s toolset. In fact, it might create more resistance than doing nothing because it can cause people to dig their heels in if they don’t feel heard; or, if their pain isn’t acknowledged in a resonant way.
So how might you approach stakeholder engagement in a different, more likely to succeed manner? Surprise your stakeholders by saying “no” on their behalf!
What is the “Magic Paradox”?
So how might you say “no” on their behalf? Well, by going in a different direction than others anticipate…in fact the completely opposite direction at first…you can start to break down the barriers of change resistance. In the book Just Listen, author and psychiatrist Mark Goulston indicates that “when you act as if your goal is the exact opposite of what you're trying to accomplish, that's the Magic Paradox—and as the name implies, it's powerful magic.”
In the realm of change management, Goulston's concept offers a unique perspective on transforming skepticism into enthusiasm. His narrative also helps explain why doing the unexpected and saying “no” before the other person has to can be a successful pivot because it takes into account the phenomenon Goulston calls the “mirror neuron gap.”
Mirror neurons, which might be thought of as significant drivers of the human capacity for empathy, cause many of us to mirror back to others the behavior and emotions that are presented to us. For example, if you’ve ever benefited from a stranger surprising you and buying your latte while in line at the coffeehouse, you know the joy of feeling cared for…and likely, the inclination to “pay it forward” and do an act of kindness for others. Similarly, you might also be familiar with the moderate rage you feel whenever your tween daughter screams at you for no reason just because you entered a room. Mirror neurons!
According to Goulston and his clinical findings, as many of us mirror society and try to earn the recognition and support of others through our own positive actions, we develop a bit of “reciprocal hunger to be mirrored back.” And when that hunger isn’t satiated, Goulston calls that the “mirror neuron gap.” But perhaps left unfilled, or unrecognized…it could become a chasm that prevents the success of your change initiative.
Leverage the Magic Paradox for Good
So how do you actually use this tool in practice? A couple of significant success factors include listening intently (as the name of Goulston’s book implies), and making others “feel felt” according to the author.
Here’s how this might show up during a significant change in our personal lives in regards to the common scenario of a couple contemplating a bathroom remodel. One of the partners is in favor of the project; and, the other is more worried about the cost, the mess and the time involved with all of the material selections.
PAT (IN AN ANGST-FILLED VOICE): I don’t understand why now is the time that you want to start a major bathroom remodel when I’ve just quit my job and started a new business! I mean, we barely have time to keep up with cleaning our existing bathroom with all of the kids’ activities, and I won’t be replacing my previous income for a while.
KYLE (IN A LAID-BACK MANNER): Hey, let’s both take a beat really quick. I imagine you feel that the kids and I don’t know what it’s like to take a big leap into entrepreneurship and the inconsistency of not knowing when your next deal will close when you’ve always been so reliable with income.
PAT: Umm…yeah. That’s what I’ve been saying for the last few months!
KYLE: And, I’m guessing that you’re anxious because you think I can’t relate to how different it is for you right now…to not have everything planned, to be working at home 100% of the time and unsure if you’ve made the right decision.
PAT (SIGHING): Yup.
KYLE: Not to fail to mention…I imagine you feel like a big project could cut into our savings too much, make a mess of your current full-time work space, and take a bunch of your time in going to vendor appointments to select tile, fixtures, etc.?
PAT (CHILLING OUT NOW): Exactly! Those are all of my top concerns and I’m just feeling a little overwhelmed. I want to appear strong and like I know what I’m doing for our family, but I’m just worried about taking on too much…even though I know we are really conservative with our spending and you’ll undoubtedly be there to help.
KYLE: You’re right! I’m here for you, always. Maybe if we find some time to go over all these concerns together, we can make a plan for how to address the items that are the biggest ones on your radar?
PAT: Okay, that sounds reasonable. Thanks for listening.
Before this dialogue took place, it was clear that Pat was anything but aligned with Kyle on how they might consider a bathroom project. But, the magic of the Magic Paradox is that Kyle “mirrored” what Pat was feeling and verbally acknowledged the concerns. Because Kyle was naming things that Pat was truly feeling, Pat was obliged to agree with and indicate “yes” to all of the statements Kyle was making.
As Goulston calls it, Kyle created a “cascade of ‘yes’” to resolve what had previously been a strong contender for a mirror neuron gap. Consequently, Pat is in a much better position to be open-minded to the bathroom project now, as well as engaged to be an active participant in controlling how it turns out. And, with engagement often comes a sense of ownership and pride in the work being accomplished–which creates more stakeholder buy-in, and more likely a successful outcome.
Reverse Skepticism About Change in the Workplace
So how might this same approach be translated to the work environment? As you already probably know, skepticism for business transformation initiatives shows up in various ways – from reluctance to participate in new processes to outright resistance to adopt new technology platforms. Identifying these signs early is crucial for crafting strategies that address concerns and foster a positive atmosphere for change.
As you reflect on Pat’s and Kyle’s conversation, what similar dialogues might you have with various stakeholders who are apprehensive about forthcoming workplace change? Consider these tips:
Make sure you are as transparent as is possible and practical with the core project stakeholder group. Have they participated in developing the business requirements, and have they had a chance to weigh in on how the change will solve a current pain point in the organization?
Foster approachable and open communication channels for stakeholders to express concerns about projects. Is it clear to people in the organization where and when they can contribute comments, questions and ideas about an ongoing project?
Conduct regular check-ins to listen for and address evolving project sentiments and adjust strategies accordingly. As previously mentioned, make sure your stakeholders “feel felt.” If a planned initiative isn’t proving to be successful or is evoking mounting concern and uncertainty from those involved with the project, how are you inviting them to be a part of the solution and therefore avoiding a poor project outcome by continuing down a path blissfully unaware of problems?
Establish a culture that values feedback and views healthy skepticism as an opportunity for growth. A strong culture that supports thoughtful feedback from all levels is so key in making it “okay” to speak up…and actually motivating people to care enough to speak up.
Make Change Magic Happen
The Magic Paradox tool described by Goulston involves a delicate dance of acknowledgment and transformation. Rather than dismissing skepticism, leaders must actively listen, empathize, and use this insight to tailor their approach. By doing so, they create a bridge for stakeholders to more easily move from skepticism to curiosity, and eventually, to advocacy for the change initiative. Let's build a community committed to transformative change.
